green grass

Daily adventure with the mongrels. Now I can’t stop...

Wed, 22 May 2013 21:07:02 -0600

Daily adventure with the mongrels. Now I can’t stop sneezing.

blkcloud: Cliff House by MacKay-Lyons Sweetapple...

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:30:37 -0600

Cliff House by MacKay-Lyons Sweetapple Architects

This project is the first of a series of projects for a large 455 acre site on Nova Scotia’s Atlantic coast. This pure box in the landscape is precariously perched off a bedrock cliff to heighten one’s experience of the landscape through a sense of vertigo and a sense of floating on the sea. This strategy features the building’s fifth elevation - its ‘belly’.

This modest 960 square foot cabin functions as a rustic retreat. Its main level (16x44) contains a great room with a north cabinet wall, along with a service core. The open loft (16x16) is a sleeping perch. A large south-facing deck allows the interior stage to flow outward through the large windows.

Can I live here? All it needs is a hot tub.

I love you. I love you, / but I’m turning to my verses /...

Mon, 13 May 2013 20:45:48 -0600

I love you. I love you, / but I’m turning to my verses / and my heart is closing /

like a fist.

— F O’H.

Spring hike with the dogs up some trail in emigration canyon....

Sat, 11 May 2013 20:14:46 -0600

Spring hike with the dogs up some trail in emigration canyon. This was from sometime earlier in the week, after work with a friend.

Everyone/thing else because I enjoy taking a million pictures on...

Fri, 10 May 2013 20:55:55 -0600

Everyone/thing else because I enjoy taking a million pictures on my iPhone. Even boring ones.

Here are all the pictures I took of myself drunk at the bird...

Fri, 10 May 2013 20:51:32 -0600

Here are all the pictures I took of myself drunk at the bird refuge. My face looks the same in all the pictures because it is the same face. I only have one.

I love these mother fuckers.

Sun, 05 May 2013 20:55:31 -0600

I love these mother fuckers.

Farmington bay bird refuge or whatever the fuck with my friends.

Sun, 05 May 2013 19:08:59 -0600

Farmington bay bird refuge or whatever the fuck with my friends.

How you gonna get that squirrel?

Sun, 05 May 2013 11:46:23 -0600

How you gonna get that squirrel?

Some more pictures from this year so far. Beautiful skies,...

Sun, 05 May 2013 00:25:25 -0600

Some more pictures from this year so far. Beautiful skies, flowers and places all around me. (This reposted itself intact because, idek, iPhones, whatever, amiright)

More of the same because #utah. #slc #sky

Sat, 04 May 2013 20:27:17 -0600

More of the same because #utah. #slc #sky

Community team works today, or whatever it’s called, a...

Fri, 03 May 2013 16:55:25 -0600

Community team works today, or whatever it’s called, a thing at work; so I spent the day volunteering at New Roots, a refugee community garden in west valley city.

We planted perennials to schmooze the bees when they bring in hives, built trellises for long beans and dug a trench to fix a broken wire on a water timer line.

New Roots caters to newer refugee applicants from all over the world; one of the reps said many are from Burma, but this year there’s even a woman from Ethiopia, one from Chad. They bring their babies on their backs, and families to help them garden. What else do I remember— the program is especially helpful to women who otherwise have nothing to do during the day, nobody to talk to, and are often just stuck around their new homes in a strange environment.

Local volunteers teach the refugees the best water irrigation techniques to use here in Utah (a drip system), though many refugees are used to some kind of farming and have a lot of their own efficient and resourceful techniques from their home.

The garden gives families the opportunity to grow otherwise ethnic and foreign crops locally, providing them with familiar nutrition, health, economic opportunities, a chance to socialize and more.

I’m very grateful for the opportunity to have worked with the folks of the irc & new roots farms today. Thanks, job, for providing the benefits.

dark may day the second

Fri, 03 May 2013 06:53:23 -0600

I get so mopey and depressive sometimes, tired and lazy. I read on the Internet how our mind is always out worst enemy and getting in our own way. We warp our realities and use language to act defeated and down trodden; I’m def my own worst enemy. Then I meet people who I think are awesome who think I’m awesome in return, then it’s like, fuck you brain, why are you always trying to bring me down just like my mom? We’re all just trying to survive.

I hold on to things for so long. I try to stay stuck. I just mourned a little bit about how I have baby cravings and I lied to myself for forever about it and only just right now admitted that I secretly wanted to have the viking’s babies I guess?, fuck you uterus, you know? I feel that loss. Like he’s horrible and mean to me, he’ll come back and say things like, you’re too important for us to not be in each other’s lives, then April comes around and he goes again. He always just stops talking to me, ignoring and blocking me or whatever. If I try or don’t try talking to him, he will never ever respond. He has the most incredible and cruel will power to do this. It tears me apart. I wish I never told him how much it hurts me because I think he uses it to his advantage, like he has some part of him that benefits from power and having my love & affection & then taking it away in the blink of an eye.

He hasn’t even been around, he lives across the world now. He came home for Christmas or some time in the winter for his sick belly. He fucked me every day he was back and afterwards I’d have solid tears streaming down both temples, my arms and legs wrapped around his body, like some dumb tree-stoned, love-drugged koala.

I told myself recently out loud as a sort of revelation that I’m no longer afraid to lose him, not that he’s mine, but his leaving wouldn’t hold the same power.

It didn’t when he stopped chatting me again several weeks again, but sometimes I get obsessed and think and dwell. He is like some creepy possessive ghost in my lovesick memory, always popping up. I think of him and my heart races, tears well. I see the baby pictures with the baby puppies and find myself angry with my uterus for caring so much. The process of disconnecting from all these feelings takes so long and takes a lot out of me.

I’m emotionally unavailable to everyone in my life except some of my physically closest friends. I take a lot of naps. I also take a long time to heal. I’m a lot better but also he haunts me and so I’m working on letting go.

I think I hate my job and I feel like I’m going to do some restless, rash thing like quit and move. They have all these options to help you live and get better but I don’t want to promise my life to them. I want to write and paint and live in a studio warehouse with my dogs and make films or whatever, you know? I want to create and express because I know that’s my purpose & it ignites me.

I just feel very shut off. I’m afraid; I’m afraid of opening up and sharing. I don’t know why I care so much but also maybe because my heart can’t handle it, I need to be more aware and less sponge-like in regards to absorbing people’s feelings or criticisms or power: I want to be free and help everyone else free, too.

I feel like this requires a lot of naps in the dark with sleeping dogs. I do a lot of thinking so I need to do more acting and following through now, it’s my goal. Less panic and more productivity.

I’ve been eating mostly rice. I gained 10lbs or so again recently because I haven’t been walking. Don’t ask me about the vacuum. I pretty much stopped shaving but it still makes me self conscious. I want to not shave my legs and still wear all my dresses and be fabulous looking. So in my own little world I guess.

Ball play. (Taken with GifBoom)

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 13:17:39 -0600

Ball play. (Taken with GifBoom)

😉😌😴 #eskie (Taken with GifBoom)

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 00:21:28 -0600

😉😌😴 #eskie (Taken with GifBoom)

#dog #snowdog A new personal favorite picture of Oakley. He...

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 08:02:03 -0700

#dog #snowdog A new personal favorite picture of Oakley. He looks like he’s a swimming sea otter or something.

So excited to finally get my pretty paws on this book. Yes, I do...

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 10:17:10 -0700

So excited to finally get my pretty paws on this book. Yes, I do plan on crying throughout. #lindenberg #loveanindex

Fence sitting and procrastination

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 00:48:15 -0700

I need to reply to an email from months ago but have been hesitant to do so for fear of making myself too open. I don’t know how much to keep to myself; it’s always been difficult to know when to say enough or when I’ve said too much (a life struggle with balance.) A part of me thinks, why hold anything back? Why ever hold your tongue? Another part says, why does that person deserve to be exposed to that vulnerable & open side of you? Why expend the energy, what’s the point?

Then there’s the whole thing about not knowing how or where to unclench my fists and just let go.

Photo

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 10:53:37 -0700

Spotted on Flickr.

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 10:26:58 -0700

Spotted on Flickr.